White coat. Heels.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
