Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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