And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
