how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
