I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
