my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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