Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
