you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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