last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
