When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
