OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
