i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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