I think I won the penis lottery.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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