My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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