At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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