chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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