And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Randomize
