I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish I only lived at night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
