My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
