it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
