my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
