oh god the rape fog is back!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
