She's like a pop up book from hell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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