he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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