your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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