dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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