i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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