She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
