i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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