Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
