i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
