It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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