but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
