We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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