how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
