And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
