9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
