He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
