My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
