are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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