Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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