I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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