I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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