My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
