I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
