I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
