oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
