well you can't waste a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
