Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
