Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
