Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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