I think my fart just growled at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
