you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
