I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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