giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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