I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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