i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
