Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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