I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
