I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
