I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
