All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize