Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
