today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
