dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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