The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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