i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
