Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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