I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
