went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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