Someone shit on the floor
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
