probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
