One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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