So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
