This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
