I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
